Saturday, 25 January 2014

Tony Abbott Goes to Davo's or: Only Nixon can go to China

Prime Minister Tony Abbott at Davo's (sic) source: ABC
Oh shit. This isn't Davo's. This is Davos. Some hoity-toity ski village in the Swiss Alps. Of course Tony would rather be at home where it's Goodies vs the ABC, but duty calls and our Great PM must answer the call by inadvertently straying into Switzerland.

And answer the call he did, with a stirringly simple speech with none of that other guy's advanced programmatic specificity shit. Instead he jawboned the last guys' successful avoidance of financial meltdown as "addicts in search of a fix" and of course the Great Tony is correct. Anyone who says otherwise, like that moronic Nobel Laureate whose name sounds like a German WWII PoW castle, is plainly wrong. I mean, who do you trust, a dirty foreign illegal or the popularly elected leader of a sovereign borders state?

As only Nixon could go to China, only the Great Man Abbott can go to Davos and talk up the Australian economy after talking it down endlessly for over four years. Only Abbott can call Labor's stimulus a drug, yet warn the US Fed to go easy on the tapering. Seems to be a drug the Great Abbott is quite keen on.

Similarly, he's quite keen on recycling his stump lines like "...after the recent election, Australia is under new management and open for business." Inspirational stuff there, Great Abbott. He is Language vs a Brick Wall at 100km/h. Language didn't have 6 airbags as standard so will now spend the rest of its days a vegetable after colliding with the Brick Wall, perhaps appearing in a TAC advertisement in a few years' time.

The speech is available here in full, but I think it's fair to say it did not have one thought-provoking line in it. I mean leadership of the G20 is given to a country, one doesn't need to try, it's just given to you like a participation certificate in the primary school cross country. Even then, like a rich kid falling back on their parents' wealth, the Great Abbott doesn't even try to say anything inspired. He fails to demonstrate even a skerrick leadership and ends up giving a speech which Peta et al must have copied and pasted on the way to the venue, probably with real scissors and Clag, rather than Microsoft® Word 97.

Here are some other highlights:
The global middle class is growing from 1.8 billion now to over 3 billion in 10 years’ time. 
This progress is partly due to better science and technology; and partly to the constant aspiration to do better.
...yet doesn't have a science minister...
You can’t spend what you haven’t got.
...yet erased Australia's debt ceiling after criticising Labor's "wreckless" debt and deficit for four years...
No country has ever taxed or subsidised its way to prosperity.
 ...except for Norway, Denmark, Sweden and Finland, four countries known for their terrible education systems, horrible Nordic scenery and low quality of life...oh, and a little country you may have heard of called Germany that subsidises much of its globally renowned manufacturing industry...

I hope the Great Abbott uses Air Force pilots on his way home and goes nowhere near any Royal Australian Navy-trained navigational personnel. I'd hate for Tony's plane to suffer an inadvertent incursion into, say, Syrian airspace...

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